How And Why Others Try To Hold You Back From Success
When you’re trying to change your life, there will be people that feel the need to get in your way.
A few of them might actually believe they’re trying to help you, but they’re not.
We call this the Crab Syndrome
If you put one crab in a bucket, it can claw its way up and out, and return to the wild.
But something interesting happens when you put a bunch of crabs in a bucket. If one of them tries to climb out, the rest pull it back into the bucket.
And even worse… if the crab tries to climb out a second time, the other crabs gang up on the crab again, and may actually begin to break its claws to completely hinder its progress.
This means that none of the crabs end up escaping because they are all working against each other.
It’s amazing to me that these crabs do this naturally.
But you know what? Unfortunately, this sometimes happens with humans too.
The crab syndrome is a metaphor for how humans respond when they see someone else around them bettering themselves in ways that they can’t achieve themselves.
They want you to stay just the way you are. That way, they can feel comfortable about not improving themselves, too.
It’s frustrating to find out that few people are on your side, but it’s something that must be managed if you want to succeed.
How others may try to derail your success:
1 – They point out your past failures.
We’ve all failed numerous times in the past. Some people in your life will undoubtedly bring up those failures in an attempt to sabotage your efforts.
Suppose you decide you want to climb all the 14,000-foot+ peaks in the US. You might be reminded by a “friend” that you couldn’t even climb the 2,000-foot peak at summer camp.
They might even suggest that you come up with a more reasonable goal.
2 – They will try to make you feel guilty.
Guilt is another weapon.
Sticking with our mountain climbing theme, you might be told that all that travel is expensive. You might also be told that you should be saving all the money for your child’s college education.
Or maybe you should spend all that time with your family instead.
3 – They try to distract you.
“Hey, forget the mountains. Let’s all go on a big vacation together instead.”
These are just a few of the less devious ways those around you might try to sabotage your efforts.
But why would they do it in the first place? It doesn’t seem kind and supportive, and it’s not. Though they might try to present it that way.
There are several reasons why people close to you try to sabotage your efforts:
1 – They want to stay comfortable with their mediocrity.
If you do something amazing, they have to deal with the fact that they have not.
No one wants to feel like they’re losing the game of life.
Rather than deal with their own fear, insecurity, and laziness, it’s just easier and less work to hold you back.
2 – Jealousy.
While there are some people that are genuinely happy to see you achieve something great, win the lottery, or lose 50 pounds, there are even more that are jealous.
They’ll try to stop you from being successful.
And if that doesn’t work, they’ll attempt to diminish the value of your success.
For example, “Oh, if I had all of your free time, I could easily lose 50 pounds, too.”
3 – People don’t like change.
Everyone is getting something from you. If they got nothing out of their relationship with you, they wouldn’t associate with you at all.
If you change, it threatens the status quo. If you become something different, where does that leave them?
It’s psychologically easier for them if you just stay the same.
The solution is to commit to being successful in spite of the objections of others.
You might want to consider removing the worst offenders from your life. Life is hard enough without having your own friends and family trying to make it even harder.
Commit to your goals for the right reason. Impressing others is a shallow reason for doing something. Do it for yourself.
Consider keeping your big goals to yourself. You receive less resistance from others.
It’s your life! Choose what’s best for your life and do it! You don’t need the approval of others. Just do it for YOU!
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